


In Which Jared Eats a Bath Bomb and Alana Tells Him She Loves Him

by reallyquitegay



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, BUT I WANTED TO, F/M, Fluff, Jared Kleinman Eats Bath Bombs, Jared Kleinman Loves Bath Bombs, Love Confessions, Lush, Why Jared Kleinman Loves Bath Bombs, You just have to read it I guess, alana beck - Freeform, bath bombs, i dont even know what to say man, i mean he do just love the bathbombs, i really shouldnt have wrote this, jared Kleinman - Freeform, like the store, shrug, this was gonna be a crack fic but then i got too excited and added alana/jared, wherest jk works, yes that happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:41:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24190741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reallyquitegay/pseuds/reallyquitegay
Summary: Basically what the title said.This was supposed to be a joke but then I thought about adding Alana in there so.... yeah. This happened.
Relationships: Alana Beck/Jared Kleinman
Comments: 9
Kudos: 13





	In Which Jared Eats a Bath Bomb and Alana Tells Him She Loves Him

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is a newly found ship that I absolutely adore. So yeah. Enjoy :)

Alana Beck considered herself lucky.

She lived with two wonderful parents, had the opportunity to join as many highschool clubs as she wanted, and had taken so many AP classes to the point that she probably wouldn’t have to even worry about student debt. Her future looked bright.

Her boyfriend’s… did not.

It wasn’t that Jared Kleinman was stupid, not in the least. It was just that he occasionally had a tone of idiocy in him, prompted for comedic effect. Still, Alana didn’t really know how someone who claims to be so ironic could be ushered into eating a literal bath bomb. It might have been mostly her fault, but she was still confused.

Nevertheless, it makes for a funny story.

It all started when she went to visit him at his fourth job (fourth only to Home Depot, the Cinema, and occasionally Walmart - for car insurance, of course). Somehow, he had managed to score a Counter position at the mall’s Lush store. It wasn’t the most glorified job, of course, but it left him smelling like artificial cherry blossoms, so who was she to complain?

As soon as she stepped in, she was hit with the overwhelming aroma of Lush’s products. She wandered around the aisles a bit, trying to make it look like she was actually considering buying something. Eventually, she picked up a small bottle of body wash that looked cheap enough and headed up front.

She waited in line, fumbling with her own appearance through her phone’s camera. Hair? Check. Teeth? Check. Breath? Eh, pop one more mint just in case. She was too preoccupied with herself that she almost didn’t hear, “Next.”

Before anyone else really could, she made a dash for her boyfriend’s counter. She caught herself on it, swung around, then placed the body wash and a clump of paper bills in front of him. “Hi,” she panted.

He stared at her, a smirk growing on his face. “Alana, what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to buy this.” She gestured dramatically to the bottle. “Is it so bad that I just wanted to get some soap?”

“There’s a Bath and Body Works a little ways down the mall, ‘Lana.”

She shrugged helplessly. “Yeah, well I like how they have the little pictures of the people’s faces on them here. It’s soothing to know who made what you're rubbing onto your body, you know? BBW doesn’t do that.”

Jared scoffed as he rung her up absentmindedly. “Right. Of course.” He handed her the bottle, remembering that she hated when retail workers asked her if she wanted a bag for something that she could easily slide into her purse. She appreciated the sentiment, and grabbed onto his hand, leaning over the counter. Her stomach dug into the wood as she pulled herself towards him. “Alana, the fuck?” he backed away.

She retreated. “What?”

He shook his head. “I’m on shift, dude. If my manager finds out that I’m smooching-it-up with my girlfriend instead of racking in dough (insert random gesture), she’ll fire me for sure.” 

Alana smiled at the thought of a woman manager. “...So?”

“So… I’m clinging onto this insurance deal. One dollar less an hour and I’ll have to switch to Geico.” He lowered his voice jokingly, “And I’m not about to sign with that fucking lizard.”

She played with the fabric of her dress. “Lizards aren’t too bad. It’s just…” she sighed. “It’s been a long day and I wanted to see you, that’s all.” The former was a lie, of course.

He considered her for a moment, then glanced over. There were two other workers on shift, one a lanky twenty-something-year-old, makeup caked onto his face, and the other a teenage girl with terribly flat-ironed hair. It wasn’t like Alana was holding up the line much. Finally, he rubbed his face into his hands and groaned. “Fine.”

She smiled and rocked on her heels. “How was your day?”

“I work at a fucking Lush store. Rainbows and lollipops, just dandy.”

“Oh dear,” she laughed. Then, answering him before he asked, said, “Mine was decent. AP Bio grades came out for the quarter, and I got a 97. The teacher called it ‘impossible’, but I’d like to strictly call it hard work.” She grinned proudly, chin up.

“We get it, ‘Lana, you’re smart.” he taunted her.

“Not to rub it in or anything.” She went to take his hand, but he pulled away again. “What?” She exclaimed, squinting her eyes.

“I don’t know how to say this in a way you’d understand.” He began to stretch out his words as if he was speaking to a toddler, something she definitely was not. “I can talk to you but it has to look like a customer exchange. Got it?”

Agitated, she nodded. “Fine. Just…” She scanned the last-minute products in front of her, eyes landing on a gift card. Picking it up, she presented it to him. “What’s this, Jared?”

“Excuse me?”

“What is this thing?”

He gave her a look. “Please tell me you know what a gift card is. I’m not even joking this time, please just reassure me that you didn’t just have a brain aneurysm or something.”

Turning it over and inspecting it, she shook her head. “Nope. No clue.” She put it down and, deciding to have a bit of fun, clasped her hands together and said, “Sell it to me.”

“Alana-”

“Be my salesman. Sell it to me.”

She saw the moment it clicked in his head. There was a dip in the conversation as he looked up at her, amusement in his eyes. “Fine, but you are so getting off on this, aren’t you?”

“Just tell me what this ridiculous square is.”

He repeated her words under his breath, and then laughed quietly to himself. “Alright, alright. Here.” He picked it up and displayed it for her, imitating beauty gurus that base their life savings around Youtube. “This mysterious object is like the cocaine in a drug deal. It’s the shit. The catch is, it can get you any drug in existence. If you show this little ‘square’, you don’t have to worry about paying. It’s the fucking jackpot!”

She leaned over the counter again. “It can get you drugs?” she said skeptically. 

“GOD I wish! Only if you count overpriced lotion as an addictive. People give gift cards to kids, though, so they couldn’t really be drug-redeemable. Like ‘oh hey little Jimmy happy eighth here’s a heroin card’. But otherwise, it’s a fucking deal.”

She took it back. “Sold.” She roamed the shelf once more, this time grabbing a sheet mask. “Care to explain?”

He took a breath. “A face mask. As opposed to a normal mask.” He began to lean over, too. “Have you ever been in public and just decided that you didn’t want to be approached? Then boy do I have the shit for you! Simply put it on and it looks like an entire layer of your skin was separated from the rest. It’s absolutely wonderful. However, if some old creep still insists on bothering you, there’s a hidden feature. Simply rip off the mask - as if it were your skin - declare that you have a boyfriend, and make a run for it before he gets out of shock. However, it doesn’t hide your face very well. You might want to go to Party City for something like that. I can get you a discount there, too, but only in October.” 

She pushed down her glasses to get a better look at him for emphasis. “Jared, that whole skin part was absolutely disgusting.”

He shrugged. “It’s the truth.”

She passed it off and went searching for her third and final item.

A bath bomb.

Giving it to him, she asked, “And this?”

He rolled it between his palms, thinking. “This… this is just what it seems. A bath bomb. You put it in water and soap and shit just goes everywhere. But what few don’t know is… it’s actually edible.”

She gasped lightly. “It is?”

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“I don’t believe you.” She crossed her arms. “Eat it.”

His smile faltered. “...What?” 

“I’m not sure if you’re telling the truth or not. Eat the bath bomb, Jared.”  
He clicked his tongue. “Alana, I might be a fucking imbecile, but I’m smart enough of a guy to know that that’s probably not the best decision, especially considering that I’m, you know, on the goddamn clock.”

She laughed, her eyes twinkling. “Oh come on, please?” She batted her eyelashes. “For me?... Or are you too scared to?”

He looked down at it, looked back up at her, then rolled his eyes and frowned. “Fuck you. Bitch.” Despite his statement, and much to her surprise, he grabbed scissors and began opening its packaging. “I’m only doing this so that you can leave me alone.”

She put out a hand. “Wait, no, you don’t actually-”

“-I’m doing it, ‘Lana,” he cut her off. “I’m going to eat this fucking bath bomb.”

Then before she could really refuse, he bit into it just like it was an apple. He began to chew it awkwardly, covering his mouth with his hand. He seemed vaguely confused for a moment, like even he wasn’t quite sure what he had just done. Soon enough, his uncertainty turned neutral. He looked pleasantly surprised, eyebrows raised in impressed satisfaction. Eventually, his face fell in horror as he swallowed and chucked the rest in the trash. He grabbed a plastic water bottle and practically downed the whole thing. 

She cringed. “So… How was it?”

It took him a second to think about how to express it. “It… well… It didn’t actually taste like shit, which was a pleasant surprise. It did sort of burn though. I’m 99% sure it’s toxic so that really hurt, but otherwise… Love the cronch.” 

Alana cocked her head. “Cronch?”

“Cronch.”

“You mean ‘crunch’?”

“I do not!” he waved a finger at her.

She giggled, and then mindlessly, without even thinking, muttered, “Gosh I love you.” It wasn’t until she saw his expression did she realize what she had said.

Neither of them had ever used that word before. It was always a “wait until the right time” sort of thing. Wait until they both knew for sure. They had been together for who knows how long, yet those three words were still off-limits. That is, until right then, when she had professed to him in the middle of Lush.

“You… you love me?” He sounded small all of a sudden.

“Maybe,” she shrugged, her face growing hot. “Yes.”

“And I’ll I had to do was ingest a bath bomb?”

The tension disappeared as she burst out laughing. “I guess!”

“Sweet.”

She wanted to talk to him about it, correct whatever she had just said, but she had been hogging his register for several minutes and was starting to feel guilty. “Hey, uh, do you want to maybe go out tonight? So we can talk about… that?”

He shook his head, and her stomach sank. “I can’t, dude.”

“Why not?”

“I’m going to be puking.”

“What? How do you know?”

“I just ate fucking soap, Alana,” he winked at her. Ah. “But tomorrow, yes. We can definitely talk about ‘that’ tomorrow.” 

She grinned. “Lovely.” Her face suddenly dropped as she gathered her initial purchase. “I should probably get going.” Nodding to herself, she began out to the door, head down. That did not just happen. She tried to get out rather quickly, in order to really process what she had just said, but he called out to her.

“Alana?”

She pivoted on her heels. “Yeah?”

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> hi!!!  
> i didn't proof read that so sorry if it sucked lmao.
> 
> Anyways in case you haven seen I'm taking musical fic requests so you can slide to my account to comment on that one if you want me to simply write a crack fic on jared eating bathbombs, or just something else in general :) ill get to them all eventually haha
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading! As always, kudos and reviews are appreciated.
> 
> -Dani (reallyquitegay)


End file.
